the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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