I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize