Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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