You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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