Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When did angry sex become our thing?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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