Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
