Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
