Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
