I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
