every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
