I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
