Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
