Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
