I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
