I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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