Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
