I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
