hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize