just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
