It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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