ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
