guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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