he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
