My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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