pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I puked a lego.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
