im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
