the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
