cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
