got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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