I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize