is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
