I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
