i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Michael Bay diarrhea
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
