i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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