I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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