I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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