I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
