First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
