yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
