WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
