Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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