Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
