Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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