it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
