I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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