I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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