..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
