Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
