I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
