so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
