You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
