Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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