Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
