don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
