I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
