plz talk dirty to me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
