Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
