Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
