Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
