i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
