I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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