we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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