Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
