when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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