1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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