The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
