Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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