I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
