My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
