Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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